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Sam's Story: Taking Steps for Safety

  • Writer: kidsofpurple
    kidsofpurple
  • Dec 7
  • 3 min read

By Kids of Purple


Do you know the sound of your front door opening?

I don't just mean the squeaks and clicks, I mean knowing exactly what kind of mood someone is in just by the way the handle turns or how hard the door closes. Do you freeze when you hear heavy footsteps? Do you quickly scan the room to make sure everything is perfect so you don't get in trouble?


If you do this, you might be stuck in a cycle of hyper-vigilance. It’s exhausting, it’s scary, and it is a common reality for many young people experiencing domestic and family violence.

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To explain why this happens—and why it isn't your fault—I want to share Sam’s story.


Meet Sam

Sam is fifteen. He’s quiet, likes gaming, and tries his best to stay out of the way at home.

On a Tuesday afternoon, Sam was in the kitchen making toast. When his dad walked in, the tension in the room spiked immediately. Sam froze. He realised he had left his dishes on the bench. "You’re lazy," his dad said. His voice was low and angry. "You don’t respect this house. You don’t respect me."

Then the yelling started. It wasn't really about the dishes. It was a barrage of insults, name-calling, and threats to kick Sam out of the house. Sam didn't argue back. He just stared at the floor, made himself as small as possible, and waited for it to be over.


The Confusion

Later that night, things went back to "normal." His dad bought pizza and acted like the shouting match never happened.

Sam sat in his room feeling a heavy mix of guilt and confusion. He started thinking: If I had just put the dishes away, he wouldn't have got angry. I should have known better. Maybe I really am lazy.


This is a common reaction. When you are living in a high-stress environment, it is easier to blame yourself than to accept that your parent is acting abusively. Sam told himself that if he could just be "perfect," the yelling would stop. But deep down, Sam knew that even if the kitchen was perfect, the anger would still find a way out.


The Realisation

Sam opened his laptop. He didn't have bruises, so he wasn't sure if he was allowed to call it "violence." He typed into the search bar:

Is it abuse if they don't hit you?

He read about emotional abuse, verbal intimidation, and coercive control. He realised that the fear he felt every day was real.

The next day at school, Sam saw the school counsellor. Sam was terrified to speak up. He was worried about ruining his family or making his dad angrier. But he was also tired of being scared. He told the counsellor, "I don't want to go home today."


The Validation

The counsellor listened to Sam. He didn't tell Sam he was exaggerating. He didn't say, "All parents get mad sometimes."


Instead, the counsellor told Sam three things that changed his perspective:

  1. "You have the right to feel safe in your own home."

  2. "This is not your fault."

  3. "It’s never about the dishes."


The counsellor explained that the explosion over the dishes wasn't caused by Sam's mistake; it was caused by his dad’s need for control and inability to manage his anger.


What You Need to Know

Sam’s story is important because it shows that you don't need to have physical injuries to be in danger or to deserve help.


If Sam's experience sounds familiar to you, here is the reality:

  • You are not responsible for an adult's behaviour. No amount of being "good" or "quiet" can fix an abusive dynamic.

  • Abuse isn't just physical. Yelling, humiliation, threats, and controlling behaviour are all forms of violence.

  • Silence protects the abuser, not you. Speaking up is the hardest step, but it is the only way to break the isolation.



How to Get Help

You don't have to carry this alone. There are professionals who understand exactly what you are going through.

 
 
 

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